bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
