You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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