It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
