I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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