I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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