mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
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