Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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