i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
