I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
