As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
