the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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