Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize