At least make sure they are 18
Why
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
