I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
