hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
