my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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