At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
