You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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