things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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