Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
