Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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