I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
