So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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