Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
