smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
