We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
