i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
it was like eating out sand paper
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
