My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
