Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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