Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
