I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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