My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
