i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Naked Twister starts at high noon
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
