After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Also, beer. Big fan.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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