good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
