Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
