I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize