So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
