Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
