Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
