don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
