Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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