Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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