: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
