yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
