some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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