I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
