Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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