Please, let me fuck your mom
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
it's like heaven, but drunker
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
