i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
