I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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