Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
