his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
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She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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