I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
