I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
