You're completely useless in the revolution.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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