I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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