and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
