yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
