Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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