Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
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