Do you still have your period?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
