Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
