He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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