What a fucking waste of an outfit
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
