I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
