Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
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i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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