Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
