Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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