oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Randomize
