you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
where am i from again
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
