You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
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doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
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We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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