i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
