my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
