Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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