Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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