Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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