waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
