Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
