'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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