you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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