Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
