Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
