did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
