I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
