Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
