He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
