There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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