Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Randomize
