dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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