I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
