I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize