dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Never joke about your clitoris.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
