Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
