me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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